Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - Starting With I

We continue our series on how to build interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Commitment and love are important to all of us; they are worth fighting for; they are worth working for. You also should know that in spite of many promises there is no secret for success, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly no checklist of things not to do. But we do have suggestions, now continuing with the letter I. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter I. The focus here is on idea, impartial, and indispensable.

I is for idea. Don't be short on ideas. The way I look at things, it's a lot better to scratch your brain and come up with some new ideas than to simply be a yes person (they used to call them yes men.) Of course, some of your ideas won't fly. So don't get all defensive when people call them into question. Don't assume that just because people disagree with your ideas that they are attacking you. Of course you know your colleagues, friends, and family. Some people will attack you, and even end up claiming your ideas for their own. You should keep a careful record of your ideas so you won't be submitting the same ones twice. And learn from your mistakes. That way you can resubmit the new improved version. It may fly the second or the tenth time.

I is for impartial. Don't immediately take sides in an argument. Try to hear both sides before making any decision. And don't decide on the basis that Isabelle is more reliable than Itchy, besides smelling better as well. There is nothing as impartial as flipping a coin. I could really swear that's how some judicial and even family decisions are made. But maybe I'm not impartial.

I is for indispensable. There is no way to secure your future like being indispensable. When I was a computer programmer way back when it was rumored that some people, insecure for their future, would intentionally place "bugs" or mistakes in their programs. They would come in and fix the problem, ideally after other possibly more qualified programmers would throw up their hands in despair at being unable to solve the problem. There are surely other, less controversial ways of becoming indispensable. Ways that could not be construed as sabotage. And I'm not talking about marrying the boss's daughter, son, or both.

Levi Reiss wrote or co-authored ten computer and Internet books. He teaches computers in an Ontario French-language community college. Among his websites are a new English and French (with translations) love and relationships site celebrating all kinds of love at www.loveamourlove.com. His global wine website www.theworldwidewine.com features a weekly column reviewing $10 wines and new sections writing about and tasting organic and kosher win